How to talk to kids about feelings
The three-step script that gets kids talking — and the most common mistake well-meaning parents make.
Devra Khoury
February 19, 2026
Step 1: Name it
'You seem really frustrated.' 'I bet that felt embarrassing.' 'It looks like you're disappointed.'
Naming the feeling is sometimes all the kid needs. They feel seen, and the volume drops.
Step 2: Validate, don't fix yet
'It makes sense you'd feel that way.' 'That would have made me upset too.'
Skipping straight to 'here's what to do' tells the kid their feeling is wrong. They shut down. The fix has to wait until the feeling is acknowledged.
Step 3: Problem-solve, with them
'What would help right now?' 'What do you want to try next time?' Their answer matters more than yours.
If they don't have one, offer two options. Choosing between two options gives kids agency without overwhelming them.
People also ask
What if they won't talk?+
Don't push. Sit nearby quietly. Some kids open up an hour later, others next morning. Pressure shuts the door.
Is it OK to say 'I don't know'?+
Yes — it's healthy. 'That's a hard question. Let me think about it.' Models that adults don't have all the answers.
What about big feelings I find draining?+
It's allowed to say 'I need a few minutes, then I'll come back.' Modeling self-regulation matters.