How to handle sibling fights
Why parental verdicts make sibling conflict worse, and the sportscaster method that teaches kids to resolve their own fights.
Devra Khoury
February 7, 2026
Stop being the judge
When you decide who's right, you create resentment in the loser and entitlement in the winner. Both children lose long-term.
Your job is to keep them safe. Not to rule on every dispute.
The sportscaster move
Narrate without judgment: 'I see you both want the green marker. There's only one. What can we do?'
Holding up the mirror often resolves conflict on its own. Kids hear themselves and find solutions adults miss.
When to step in
Physical danger. Severe verbal cruelty. Mismatched age/power.
Otherwise, give them 5–10 minutes. 80% of sibling fights resolve themselves if adults don't intervene.
People also ask
What about 'fairness' (e.g., who got what)?+
Fair doesn't mean equal. 'I love you both differently because you're different people.' Stop counting items.
When does it get better?+
Late elementary years for most siblings. Younger sibling growing up creates new dynamics around 4–6.
Should I make them apologize?+
Forced apologies are hollow. Better: 'How do you think they're feeling? What do you want to do about that?'